My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm bleeding and have questions
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
