she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
