Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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