i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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