I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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