Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize