apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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