I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I think my fart just growled at me.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
