I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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