is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
