Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
So vagazzling was a success
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
