Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Randomize
