Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
FUCK WHALES
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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