Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
