two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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