good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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