Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
