so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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