FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
