My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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