he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I think weed is turning my hair brown
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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