if you like me you must not know who I am
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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