Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
