I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Randomize
