spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
