My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Randomize
