yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
