Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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