Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
