You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
