I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
