By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
