i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize