who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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