i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
