I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
