Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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