My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
