2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
