WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
