I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
