Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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