I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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