why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
