just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
