when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
