your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I want to fling myself into the sun
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
