I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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