I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
