went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Randomize
