I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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