Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
