Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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