Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
