paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
