You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
