im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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