dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
