the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I made him laugh his dick is mine
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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