So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
