walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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