I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
