is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize