I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I just found a bag of teeth...
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I party with great urgency now.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
